Well hello there almost birthday, I see that with age and wisdom comes lovely little lines that flow from my eyes. Yes, they are new. Yes, I probably could have done things to prevent them.
But why would I EVER want to take away their memories.
With these lines came so so many tears. And even more crazy face making followed by laughter and more tears. My forehead crease is there not because I never wore sunglasses, but because I have felt and thought my way through so many experiences. I sigh a breath of relief and bittersweet sadness that my twenties are coming to an end.
So let’s recap this past year, just to see how my little lines came to be…
*Turned 28 and feeling very very depressed, sluggish, spent.
*Barely made it through spring because I felt so exhausted. Changed my hair color so it would stop falling out.
*Started trying to conceive, realized it wasn’t going to happen… thank goodness at the time, so much more to figure out.
*Struggled further with my marriage and my sense of self. Conflicting with my womanly intuition.
*Started medication for my Hashimotos Thyroiditis.
*Celebrated 1 year of marriage (11 years together)
*Had a mini mental breakdown immediately following our anniversary… wanted a family so badly and it just wasn’t happening.
*Changed medications… still struggling with my intuition. Something’s not right with the husband, my body, my mind!
*Started blacking out from my menstrual pains….No longer trying to conceive.
*Started pulling myself together and rediscovering my strength.
*Back to the doctor…..hey I have a Fibroid the size of a grapefruit. Yes that’s typically a non-cancerous tumor.
*Realizing my inner voice has a lot to say, and it’s about 90% accurate.
*Discovered the mistakes that were plaguing my husband… and my intuition. A whole years worth of struggling … but forgivable.
*Horse founders a week after the discovery of the above 3. He can barely walk 😦
*Praying to God to be with me through this tangled assortment of complete rock bottom and an emotional carnival.
*Woke up with a strength and peace that relished my soul. Literally. It’s as if I grew up overnight.
*Bought my first electric toothbrush. I really am a grown up now.
*Started school and also educated myself on my condition… opting to try natural ways to shrink fibroid for 6 months before deciding on surgery.
*New medication is working wonderfully. I finally feel stable! Only tiny bouts of anxiety.
*Relaxed about trying to conceive… if it happens it happens.
*I smile more.
*And I’m still trying to recognize the woman I’ve become this year.
*Hello almost 29. What will you have to offer? I’m anticipating each day is a gift of health and stability. At least for now.
*Husband is a good man. Just like the rest of us… personal growth is necessary. As of now, I wouldn’t want to live the rest of my life without him in it.
I am still figuring out how to manage my stress, but when those moments happen I try and ask myself “how would a unicorn handle it?” And I pray a lot.
I am so thankful everything happened as it did. All my worries, all my suspicions, my anxiety about not riding my horses, and the feelings of lack of self worth.. everything came to head at the same time! Open and raw, completely exposed, I experienced an awakening into something so beautiful. I never want to forget this moment of development. I am thankful.
February 11th…. 29 and I will welcome the future wrinkles.