Last night I went to pour myself a glass of red, with all intentions of sitting down to do paperwork. I opened my elegant, cherry wood, six paned cupboard door to grab a wine glass sitting all alone in the back corner. I wondered where this lone glass came from and why it was missing its mate. Grasping its delicate stem, I set it on the counter. My mouth began to water as I anticipated my new found interest in red wine, only to look down at the unescorted glass bud and notice it was tainted! Sitting in the cupboard solely, untouched from its owners lack of taste for its filler, this crystal drink ware was water spotted and dusty! This is unacceptable for a woman to drink from, says me.
At this point I went to great lengths to assure all spots were wiped clean and the glass shown and sparkled. Only then did I feel it was acceptable to drink from. I do this as I let a “fuck”bomb slip from my very lips. Some class, right?!
I have always been told I carry myself with class and maturity, but in the privacy of my comfortable spaces and friends, I have a tongue that would make the devil jealous. I personally do not find it attractive in myself, and I cringe at how aggressive it feels when I say these things. I also tend to be the biggest dirty talker there is, a shocker to most I assure you! Looking over my behaviors, I realize they do make me who I am and I shouldn’t have to change, however, I am looking to rise to the next level of my being. I use this tactless way of communicating as a defense mechanism to appear “stronger” and “tough”, and now it is appearing as my weakness and inability to express my needs. To me this level I seek is of maturity, class, elegance, strength, and power. And leadership. I want people to follow me not just because I am aggressive and forceful, but because I am a force to be respected.
I type this today sitting up straight. Despite the troubles with my mother, she ALWAYS scolded me for not sitting up straight. It may mean nothing to you, and it may feel awkward and rigid doing it, but solid firm posture is so very important. Our body language expresses so much to those around us. Shoulders back, hips tucked in, eye contact, and a genuine smile. This is going to be the “me” I’m working towards. I sipped my wine last night from a clean glass. I will say my words with clear intentions. I will articulate what I want and how I feel from those around me, with respect and a “filter” that I always seemed to lack. This burning ember will be a roaring fire and I will become someone others will seek for leadership. Don’t worry, there is still room for fun and relaxed speech, I just need to tone it down a bit. Build my filter. Folks that know me understand this.
Clean your mind, body, spirit, and language, and never drink wine from a dirty glass. Unless of course, you’re camping, in that case… you’re excused.